I’m missing you. I always am, but some days seem to hit harder than others. (205)835-0047… That was your number and though it’s been years since you’ve had that number (they even changed the area code at one point) I STILL find myself with an urge to dial it.
“Now who is this?”
“I ain’t tellin’ you! It’s your favorite!”
“This is Abney (she never called me Ebony) Hello sweet!”
I miss your voice. I miss your beautiful face and that glowing smile. It’s funny how when you are young, you have no sense of time. You have no real idea of how fast moving it is. You know, but you never really grasp the notion that one day, the people you love the most will no longer be here. Years later, you find yourself struggling with the would have, should have and could haves. Certainly, it’s too late for those, so you learn to focus on the “dids.”
When I was just shy of 23 and pregnant with my daughter, I came home (Alabama) to see my grandmother. I remember it getting late and being time for bed. I jumped in her bed as I had done so many days of my life and I got snuggled right on in. She was so (in her words “tickled” that her grown (and pregnant) Abney still wanted to sleep in the bed with her. I recall saying,
“Come on Granny! You know the routine! Ain’t nothing changed! Autumn will be the hotdog this time!”
Growing up, we had a little inside joke between my sister, her and I. Whomever was on the outside of the bed, were the buns and the person in the middle was the hotdog. lol Well, my growing baby became the hotdog. We talked and giggled until we dozed off. That was the last time I would see her with her full mind. I am more than happy to hold onto the memories for her until the day I, myself, no longer can… My grandmother suffered from Alzheimer’s disease and passed away on May 3, 2013. She was the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid eyes on. Inside AND out.
Time is constantly passing. Though you should not consume yourself with undue stress because of it, you should remain conscious of it. Take advantage of each and every moment.